Sunday, January 13, 2013

COMMENTARY: Happy Birthday Wherever You Are 1/13 -- any year

I wrote this 1/13/2006 for my LJ blog: 
Today, you're 28. I hope your day and your life has been blessed.

I often think of you and wonder how you are. By now, I hope that you have learned you were adopted. I hope that you're happy and secure and know that your parents chose you as theirs. I also hope that they love you and gave you everything you needed--in every way possible.

No, I'm not your biological Mother. I was her friend.

Your biological mother found out she was pregnant just as she was getting a divorce from your biological father. Learning you were coming didn't make them want to stay together. They were both just barely into their 20's and he had a previous wife and child already. They didn't get along well enough to make it work for you and they were smart enough to know that much.

For a brief time, your biological mother considered raising you on her own. She only had a high school education and no real job skills. She found an attorney who knew a couple who wanted a baby and couldn't have one. So, that's how you came to be with your parents.

I cannot speak for your mother any further than just stating the facts. I wanted you to know that there's someone out there who often thinks of you. When I first knew you were coming, I offered to help your mother raise you as best we could, but she thought adoption would be a better idea. I'm not saying any of this to defend her actions--it's not my place to do so.

In some ways, I cannot defend her. Selfishly, I miss you and I wish I had been able to know you.

You and I were connected from the first. I knew the day you were born--and without a phone call, I knew the hour. I never saw your face. Sometimes, when I have walked through crowds of anonymous people, I have glanced at women your age and wondered if it was you.

Happy birthday, dear girl, wherever you are.

POSTSCRIPT:  Six years later, I still think of you. You're 34 now. I hope your have a comfortable home and a family who loves you.  

I know perhaps you may wonder whether your Mom loved you. Truth was, she loved you enough to sacrifice her pride and give you up to someone who'd give you a better life than she could. Sometimes, that's enough. 

Rebecca McFarland Kyle, January 2013

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